OK, I'll go first. Um...
Let me say, we don't really need to be here.
See, we've been married five years.
- Six. - Five, six years.
And this is like a check-up for us.
A chance to poke around the engine, maybe change the oil.
- Replace a seal or two. - Yeah, that's it.
Very well, then. Let's pop the hood.
On a scale of one to ten, how happy are you as a couple?
- Eight. - Wait.
Ten being perfectly happy and one being totally miserable, or...
- Just respond instinctively. - OK.
- Ready? - Ready.
Eight.
How often do you have sex?
I don't understand the question.
Yeah, I'm lost. Is this a one to ten thing?
But, because, is, like, one very little, or is one nothing? Because...
You know, tech... technically speaking, the zero would be nothing.
That's right. And if we don't know what one is, what's ten?
Yeah, cos ten's... kinda like... constant...
- Unrelenting... - Not stopping for, like...
Nothing to eat.
Like Sting.
But look at Sting's day job. Who else has 60 hours a week to put in the sack?
It's not a one to ten scenario. It's a basic question: How often do you have sex?
How about this week?
- Including the weekend? - Sure.
Describe how you first met.
- It was in... it was in Colombia. - Bogotá.
Five years ago.
Six.
Right. Five or six years ago.
...todas las habitaciones. ¡Todas!
Hey. ¿ Qué pasa?
Vamos, muchachos. Registren los elevadores y los escalones.
¿Anda solo?
¡Papeles!
Señora...
- ¿Está sola? - No.
- No, no, no, no, no. - Está bien.
She's with me. Está bien.
Abren. Sus papeles.
I'm Jane.
- John. - Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
- To dodging bullets. - Dodging bullets.
So it speaks.
But does it dance?
Hiya, stranger.
Hiya back.
I think room service fled. I did what I could.
Thank you.
Oh, that's good.
I hope so. I had to milk a goat to get it.
Hey, step right up, ladies and gentlemen. Try your...
How about you, little lady? Wanna try your luck? Win a prize?
Yeah, all right.
- Two. - We got two over here.
- You know how to hold it? - Step right up, have a shot.
- Yeah. - Yeah?
- You gotta aim it. - I am.
Don't laugh, I'll kill you.
You didn't blink.
Oof!
Do we still get something?
Beginner's luck.
- I want to go again. - We're going again.
Where'd you learn to shoot like that?
Beginner's luck.
Stop. Stop. You've only known the girl for six weeks.
I'm in love. She's smart, sexy.
She's uninhibited, spontaneous, complicated. She's the sweetest thing I've ever seen.
I knew Gladys for 21/2 years before I asked her to marry me.
You have to have a foundation of friendship, the other stuff fades.
Hi.
So you don't think this is all happening a little fast?
You know me. I never do anything without thinking it through.
- What does he do? - He's in construction, a big-time contractor.
A server goes down on Wall Street, she's there, anytime, day or night.
She's like Batman for computers.
He's gone as much as I am, so... it's perfect.
I give the whole thing six months tops.
Eddie?
I asked her to marry me.
- What?
- I'm getting married! - What? I can't hear you.
- I'm getting married. - Can you stop hitting him?
- I think he said something crazy. - I'm getting married.
- Gotta get these filters changed. - What did you think of Dr Wexler?
His questions were a bit wishy-washy.
Yeah... Watch your arm.
- Not the most insightful. - Mm.
And his office is clear across town.
Well, you know the four o'clock means we hit rush hour. Not crazy about that.
- So that's settled then, yeah? - OK.
OK.
- Dinner's at seven. - Yep, I'll be there... here.
- Hey, babe. - Perfect timing.
It's pissing rain out there.
You asked for butter, I bring you butter.
- How was work? - Yeah, so-so.
Oh, I stopped off for a drink with Eddie.
- This is salted. - What?
It's salted.
Is there any other kind?
Unsalted. Like I asked for.
It's fine. I'll make it work.
Oh, I got new curtains.
Well, what do you think?
Huh.
There was a struggle over the material.
This little tea sandwich of a man, he got his hands on them first, but... I won.
- Of course you did. - They're a bit green,
so we'll have to reupholster the sofas and get a new rug, maybe a Persian?
Yeah, or we can just keep the old ones, then we don't have to change a thing.
We talked about this. You remember?
I remember. I remember cos we said we'd wait.
If you don't like 'em, we can take 'em back.
OK. I don't like 'em.
You'll get used to 'em.
I like 'em.
Yeah.
Huh. Zero per cent APR till March.
So, part two. Here we are.
Only this time you came back alone. Why did you come back?
I'm not sure, really.
Let me clarify, I love my wife.
I want her to be happy. I want good things for her.
But there are times...
- Honey, would you just... - Five more minutes.
- So, what's the problem? - There's this huge space between us.
And itjust keeps filling up with everything that we don't say to each other.
- What is that called? - Marriage.
What don't you say to each other?
Um...
James of the Yukon got three stars.
This looks nice. Did you do something new?
- Mm-hm. - Yeah?
- I added peas. - Yeah, peas.
Yeah, it's the green.
Sweetheart, will you pass the salt?
It's in the middle of the table.
- Oh, is that the middle of the table? - Yeah, it's between you and me.
OK.
- How honest are you with him? - Pretty honest. I mean...
It's not like I lie to him, or anything. We just, uh...
I have little secrets. Everybody has secrets.
Shit. Sorry, hon.
- I got it. - No, I got it.
Oh, that's for me.
- Jesus!
- Honey, you scared me. - I'm sorry, hon. I was looking for the...
You going out?
Yes. Some clown crashed a server downtown and ended the world as they know it, so yes.
Hm.
We promised the Colemans.
- I know. - OK.
I'll be there. In and out. Just a quickie.
Probably feels like you're the only people that are going through this,
but there are millions of couples that are experiencing the same problems.
Uh-huh.
- We got a plane in an hour. - All right.
- Who's Al Gore? "Quotes" 800. - Prodded about possible insider trading,
she remarked on national television, "I want to focus on my salad." Ryan?
- Martha Stewart. - Martha Stewart?
- "Quotes" for 1000. - Regarding Mick Jagger's knighthood,
he scoffed, "It's a paltry honour, mate..."
- 40. - All right. I'll match you...
What the hell? What's this shite?
Sorry... Where's the can around here? Chrissake...
- Take a... Hey, you guys playing poker? - Private game. Piss off.
Hey, could I sit in?
What part of "piss off" do you not understand?
Guys... Hey, whoa, whoa...
Be a little friendly. I got the cash...
Dude, just showing you my bankroll, man.
I got the money.
You know what I'm saying? Know what I'm saying?
Poke her, don't even know her. So, if you want me to sit in, I'll sit in.
If you don't, I won't. It's fine with me. I'll go.
- Here's an empty chair. I could sit here... - That is Lucky's chair.
Wh... Where's Lucky? I don't see Lucky.
- Lucky's not back yet. - Then I'll sit here.
Unless... I'm too hot for you.
- Solid silver. - Ooh, very sweet.
- "To dodging bullets. Love, Jane." - In the pot. Put it in the pot.
Ooh!
- Oh, he's pulled something. - You're in trouble now.
- 60 dollars, eh? - In.
Look at the big man over there!
Let's play some poker.
- Fives. - He's got 14 different tells.
- You are bleeding William Tell.
- What the hell is this? - Sorry, Lucky.
Looks like you're done, pal. Thanks for the memories.
Oh, you Lucky? No kidding.
So, what's it, kid? You looking for ajob or something?
You are the job.
Pair of threes.
- Have you been a bad boy? - Yes.
- Mm-hm?
You know what happens to bad boys?
- They get punished. - Oh, yeah. Punish me.
Have you been selling big guns to bad people?
Huh?
Mister Racin?
Mister Racin? You OK?
Oh, the Colemans.
He's down.
Taxi?
- Everything OK at work? - Yeah.
And you? How was the game?
The game was good. Nets in overtime.
- You been drinking? - Straight and whiskey.
Welcome, neighbours.
- Hey... Hi, Susan. - Good to see you, John.
- There you go. - Oh, this is wonderful.
Thank you.
- What a lovely dress. - Thank you very much. So is yours.
- Come on. Let's go see the girls. - Don't stray too far, guys.
- You want a... Cuban? - Oh, no, no, no. I don't smoke.
- "Clean body, clean soul", Suzy says. - Ain't that the truth.
- You guys have any vices? - Well, you know.
- Can I get you a drink? - Uh, yes. Chardonnay, please.
- Girls? - Chardonnay.
- Daddy, Daddy, Daddy! - I'll be up here at the filling station.
...their stock's getting butchered. - Hey, boys. Scotch?
- Yes, sir. - It's a bloodbath over there.
So, Johnno, how'd you make out last quarter? Did you take a beating?
Actually, I got all my dough buried under the tool shed.
- So, Chuck got the promotion. - Oh, my God, that is so great.
I'm so excited. We can finally put the addition on the kitchen.
Oh, shoot. Not again. Shoulda worn a raincoat.
You know what? Would... Can you hold her for a second?
- What? No... I'd rather not. - It's all over the appliqué.
- Oh, no, I... - No, please, just...
Sure.
Oh... Seltzer.
Aw, she likes you.
I liked your dress tonight.
- It was nice. - Thank you.
- I'll be there in the morning. - Of course.
- Everything all right? - Yeah, it was Dad.
He thinks he has pneumonia. I'm sure it's just a cold.
- You know how he is, he'll be fine. - Yeah, probably.
Maybe you should go see him. I think he'd like that.
Yeah. Yeah, maybe I will.
Goodnight, then.
Who was that? On the phone.
The Atlanta Office. There's a problem with the specs for the dam again.
I'll fly in the morning. I'll be gone a couple of days.
- That damn dam, huh? - Yep, that damn dam.
All right. Night, John.
- There's trouble in Atlanta again. - That's what I hear. What you got?
I've got your boarding pass and taxi receipts... Get rid of that gum.
- You got a tissue? - And your hotel bill.
Now, don't lose those. The door's unlocked.
- Morning, pal. - How you doing?
Same old same old. People need killing. Oh, Johnny...
A little get-together this weekend at my house. Barbecue, no ladies, dudes only.
- It's gonna be awesome. - Yeah, I'll talk to the missus.
You want to use my cellphone?
Maybe wanna give her a call, in case you decide to scratch your ass or use the head.
- Make sure she thinks it's OK. - You live with your mother.
Why bring her into this? She happens to be a first-class lady.
And I don't have to check in with her every time I wanna do something.
She cooks, she cleans, she makes me snacks.
I'm the dumb guy?
John Smith.
- Hello, John. - Morning, Atlanta.
Quite the body count this week.
We have a priority one, so I need your expertise.
The target's name is Benjamin Danz, aka "The Tank".
He's a direct threat to the firm. DIA custody.
They're making a ground-to-air handoff to heli,
ten miles north of the Mexican border.
I need you to make sure the target does not change hands.
"The Tank"?
- I-Temp technology... - Jane Smith confirmed. Stand by for contact.
Sorry to interrupt, but we have a situation.
You know the competition would love to see us burn.
So I need you to handle this personally.
- Target? - Benjamin Danz.
I'm rolling the specs now. We need this quick, clean and contained.
Yes, sir.
- Morning, ladies. - Hi, Jane.
Yesterday's op resulted in one kill and one agent in custody.
We'll get him out tomorrow.
The two cases of the G-40s and the grenade launchers are here.
Order ten more.
All right. Go, Jas.
The target's name is Benjamin Danz, aka "The Tank".
- You serious? - Yeah.
He's being moved across the border to a federal facility.
The only point of vulnerability is just south of the border.
I want GPS and SAC of the canyon, and the weather report for the last three days.
He'll rendezvous with the helicopter at a deserted airstrip.
We will have one chance to strike.
- Are we green? - Perimeter is armed. We are up and running.
Red team, this is Broadway Joe. Half-time is approaching.
Copy that, Broadway Joe.
Oh, come on...
- You getting this? - Affirmative. Is it a threat?
Countdown's initiated. The convoy is not in the zone yet.
There's an idiot's in the field. He'll blow the charges.
OK.
You gotta be kidding me.
Civilians.
Let's see if we can get a tune out of this trombone.
We're picking up a weapon signature.
Shit. Not a civilian.
Aw, man...
Asshole.
Convoy is in the zone. Countdown is initiated.
You should not be allowed to buy these things.
Argh! Abort! Abort!
I think I got ID'd on that hit. You ever been ID'd on a hit?
- Not that I'm aware of, no. - Right. I think I'm in trouble.
- You get a look at him? - Little thing. Buck ten, buck fifteen tops.
- Maybe he's Filipino. - Maybe.
I'm not even sure it was a him.
Are you saying that you got your ass kicked by some girl?
- Really? - A pro.
This should be easy. I mean, how many hitters do you know that are chicks, right?
- You guys want any dessert? - What do you have, honey?
- Ice cream. - That sounds delicious. What flavours?
- Chocolate and vanilla. - I don't like either of those.
But maybe mixed together, that could be a nice little dish, you know what I mean?
And notjust the little pink spoon, I like the whole sundae.
- That could be arranged. - Perfect. Did you hear that?
I'd like to have her kick my ass, you know what I mean?
- Any other details besides her weight class? - Laptop.
Sorry? You're in a whole zone right now...
- Laptop. - OK, laptop.
I want to know who that bitch is. Get me that tape.
- Jane. - Get me that tape.
- What? - It's Father.
The FBI secured the package. The window's closed, sir.
- I told you we couldn't afford any mistakes. - There was another player.
We do not leave witnesses. If this player ID'd you... You know the rules.
You have 48 hours to clean the scene.
Looking forward to it, sir.
All right, we have a new target. Let's find out who he is.
Jesus... What did you do to it? Put a campfire out with it?
Buy a new one.
This one has sentimental value for its owner.
- Who's that? - Well, Gwen, I was hoping you'd tell me.
So, uh... Why you gotta know so bad, anyway?
You know me, just trying to return some lost property.
- Hey, Phil. - Hey, John.
- You a vegan? - No. My girlfriend is.
Here we go.
Upgraded RAM module.
Chip's Chinese. Imported by Dynamix, retailed by, uh...
You know, I might be able to get you a billing address.
All right. No name, just an address.
570 Lexington Avenue, Suite 5003.
New York.
You know the place?
Sweet Jesus! Mother of God...
Why don't you both go make some coffee?
Jane, it's your husband.
He's back from Atlanta, he wants to know about dinner.
Tell him... dinner's at seven.
Hi, John. Yeah, she says dinner's at seven.
It always is.
Perfect timing.
As always.
- This is a nice surprise. - I hope so.
- You're home early. - I missed you.
Hm... I missed you, too.
- Shall we? - Yes.
- Thought these were for special occasions. - This is a special occasion.
Pot roast. My favourite.
Allow me, sweetheart.
- Been on your feet all day. - Thank you.
Sure.
So how's work?
Ahem... Actually, we had a... a little trouble with a commission.
- Is that right? - Yeah.
- Double booking with another firm. - Huh.
- Green beans? - No, thank you.
You'll have some.
- Well, I hope everything works out OK. - It hasn't yet.
But it will.
Pot roast is my favourite.
Sweetheart, could you pass the salt?
- Tried something new? - Mm-hm.
Mm.
How was Atlanta?
Had a few problems ourselves. Some figures didn't add up.
- Big deal? - Life or death. Wine?
Yeah.
- I got it. - I'll get a towel.
Janie?
Honey?
Jane!
How could I be so stupid?
Jane! Jane!
Oh, dear God...
Wait. No, no, no, no, no. Accident. Honey? Accident.
Jane, stop the car, now.
Wait.
You're overreacting.
Let's not get carried away. We don't want to go to sleep angry.
- We can talk this out. - God!
Pull over.
Pull over! Pull over!
Now, look...
We need to talk!
- OK, I'm coming. Who is it? - Open up.
- What the hell happened to you? - My wife.
- She tried to kill me. - Yes, she did.
And Gladys tried to kill me. Not with a car.
At least Jane was a man about it. But they all try to kill you.
Slowly, painfully, cripplingly. And then, wham! They hurt you.
You know how hurt I used to be over her? I used to beat myself up. Now I'm great.
I got dates all the time. I just woke up from a thing, I'm in my robe.
- You live with your mom. - Because it's the only woman I ever trusted.
Most of them are passive-aggressive. I've been reading up on it.
It's disgusting. You know there's nothing more cruel than a 13-year-old girl?
They form cliques in school and play cruel games on each other, to test boundaries.
I'm hurtin' over here and you're talking about 13-year-old girls?
You have to understand the enemy. I know exactly what you're thinking.
If she lied about that, what else has she lied about?
Herjob is a spy, to get information from people.
French Riviera. A yacht. An Iranian prince.
She's supposed to get close to him and gain his trust. It's disgusting.
What? What are you saying?
What? Your husband is the shooter? That's impossible.
Really?
This was probably planned from the beginning. Operation Stakeout Johnny.
A six-year stakeout to get information from you.
Mission accomplished.
OK.
Here's the upside.
- You don't love him. - No.
You'll kill him, and nobody's better at that than you are.
Thank you.
And then it'll be over.
You think she could've done... up the house and pick up stuff out of the room?
It could be very possible, because of the pattern of how she's handled stuff.
- And she heard me call her controlling... - You're out of your mind.
The woman just tried to run you over, so it's possible that she can hear you.
And I don't give a shit. I hope you are listening, Jane.
You might have fooled my boy cos he was blinded. It's OK, she knows this.
But I'm not me. I hope you're listening, cos I slept with your friend Jasmine.
We're on the board, my man.
You thought it was 37 nothing. We got 5 points.
I nailed Jasmine and she was bad in bed, baby.
Johnny, I know you're embarrassed, but it's Eddie you're talking to.
The guys we work with, they don't know. I'm never gonna tell 'em.
The people she works with probably got a big laugh over it, but that's not important.
Lookit, it's like 150 pages of a book have been written.
In the first 150 pages, Johnny's been a clown.
You been smoked, but you can write the last ten pages.
Great talk, man. We should do it more often. I'm proud of you.
- I'm gonna borrow this. - I like where your head's at, man.
- I'll do it in the morning. - Yeah, yeah.
- You OK? - Yeah.
- Good night. - Night.
You don't love him.
- Night, Johnny. - Night, Eddie.
Good night, Mom.
OK, girls. Let's go.
Pocket litter, receipts, matchbooks. You know the drill.
This is nice. Who picked this out?
- What is this? - It looks like your wedding.
- I know what it is. What are you doing? - Background research on the target.
This room is wrapped. Thank you.
... to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.
I promise.
I, John, take you, Jane, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to h...
What's going on, Mrs Smith?
Garden party, girls.
Oh.
- Howdy, neighbour. - John! Hey.
Ooh, a pumpkin. It's a big one.
Wow! I can't believe I've never been in here before. This is great.
- Start with the living room. - Oh, yeah.
Nice floors. Are they teak, or something?
Fucked if I know, Martin.
Oh, and you won the Golf Masters trophy this year.
- Again. - Again. That'll be on your mantel next year.
Oh... Oh!
Oh.
Bitch.
Target profile is our main priority. Utilise all means necessary.
Phone taps. Credit cards. Audio scan civilian frequencies.
Uh, with what, Jane?
Hi. You've reached the Smiths.
We can't take your call, but leave a message after the tone and we'll get back to you.
- And search the database. - For what? John Smith?
- Find him. - Uh... Jane?
What?
- I think I found him. - Where?
Here.
Heat sensor breach in the perimeter.
- Commence scanning all floors.
I told you not to bother me at the office, honey.
- Well, you are still Mrs Smith. - Well, so are a lot of girls.
Careful. I can push the button any time, anywhere.
Baby, you couldn't find the button with both hands and a map.
Last warning. You need to disappear.
- No. - Now.
D sector clear.
- You expect me to roll over and play dead? - Should be used to it after five years.
- Six. And I'm not leaving. - E sector clear.
Uh-huh. Anywhere, any time.
- Intruder detected. - Evacuate plan C.
Evacuation in progress.
Chickenshit!
Pussy!
You tell me you had a shot at her and you didn't take it?
We got all this stuff here, and you're telling me you couldn't take her out?
Well, now she's a problem for both of us.
- Now my house is priority one. - Just gimme a hand, will you?
You're driving me crazy with the tongs and the furnace. You're like an insane man.
All right, they gave you 48 hours. What we got left here?
- 23? 22? - 18 and change.
- 18 hours until they close the book on you? - Eddie?
Mom, we're on high alert here! I almost killed you right then.
You do not even realise!
- Never mind. - I am so done playing games with this broad.
- You gotta take this bitch out head-on. - Don't tell me how to handle my wife.
She's not your wife, she's the enemy. She could be outside right now!
Eddie.
Got it.
Now we're talking. Only question is, how much is it to buy a vowel?
- Blackbow Realty. - Hi, I'm calling from I-Temp.
- How's that new penthouse working out? - Well, just fine, thank you for asking.
This is security. There seems to be a problem with your elevator.
Do you want an engineer to come up and see what the problem is?
Take your time, I'm really quite comfortable.
Are you really comfortable?
Jane?
Is that you, sweetheart?
First and last warning, John. Get out of town.
- You know I'm not going anywhere. - Oh, well, so you say.
But right now, you're trapped in a steel box hanging 70 floors over nothing but air.
- Oh, so this is a trap? - He's in car three.
It's never gonna work, honey,
It's never gonna work, because you constantly underestimate me.
- Do I? - You have no idea who I am.
You have no idea what I'm capable of.
- Well, back at you, baby. - Let me guess...
Shaped charge on the counterbalance cable, two on the primary and secondary brakes?
Maybe?
- He found them. - Yes, thank you.
Did you also get the base charge on the principle cable?
Promise to leave town, or I'll blow it.
OK.
I give up. Blow it.
- What? - Go on, blow it.
- You think I won't? - I think you won't.
OK.
Five, four...
- Any last words? - The new curtains are hideous.
Goodbye, John.
- What the hell was that? - What? You said goodbye.
- The gas! Cut off the gas!